Day 9 - The Slandering Tongue

To hide hatred is to be a liar; to slander isto be a fool. ~Proverbs 10:18 NLT

 

Slander:  is an accusation maliciously uttered, with the purpose or effect of damaging the reputation of another. As a rule it is a false charge (compare Mt 5:11); but it may be a truth circulated insidiously and with a hostile purpose (e.g. Dan 3:8, "brought accusation against,") 

(Definition from the International Standard Bible Encyclopedia)

 

It surrounds us.  Stand in a grocery aisle and you will see numerous tabloids that get rich from false accusations or rumors with little truth to them.  Watch the news and you will often see a onesided story presented in such a way as to make someone out to be a bad guy.  And during this time of political elections it is on commercial after commercial in which one candidate disparages another's actions, beliefs, etc.  Slander is a part of our society, and has been since before biblical times.  What is it about slander that we find so appealing?

 

It makes us feel better about ourself by making someone else out to be less than we are.  After all, if we are better than the Joneses then we must be doing something right, right?  And there is the problem, the yardstick we tend to us.  You see, it doesn't matter who on this earth we think we are better than, the truth is we will always fall short on our own in God's eyes.  ALL have sinned.  Yes, my sin is probably different than yours, but it is just as bad.  James 2:10 tells us that by commiting one sin, you are in effect committing them all.  No sin is worse than another.  Using that yardstick, slander becomes a useless tool.  When we talk about Larry cheating on his wife and how awful that is, in God's eyes that is no worse than our slanderous tongue!

Matthew 7:1-5 reminds us that before we start focusing on another's issues, we first need to deal with our own. I don't know about you, but I know that I have enough planks in my own eye to keep me busy!  1 Peter 2:1 tells us to put away slander, Mark 7:20-23 calls slander an evil things and reminds us that it comes from our hearts.  And isn't that where all of the problems of taming the tongue come from?  Our hearts?  The tongue is just an outward expression of what is inside of us. I for one don't want all of this ugly inside of me.  I want to clean it out and give the Holy Spirit a beautiful place to dwell!

Father God, help me today to examine my heart and to sweep out my insecurities, my judgements, my desire to protect myself by bringing harm to others.  Fill me with the Spirit and let Him guide my heart so that my tongue will follow.  Help me to choose words that build others up, that support your kingdom, rather than words of destruction. In your Son's name I pray.

Day 8 - The Self-Deprecating Tongue

Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant, I am slow of speech and tongue."  Exodus 4:10

In the book, Pegues describes self-deprication as "when you think or speak of yourself as being of little or no worth and thereby minimize the value of what you 'bring to the table' or have to offer...often disquised as humility'".  It is important for us to remember that we are creations of God, and He doesn't make mistakes!  Ephesians 2:10 tells us we are God's masterpieces. 

The word used in Ephesians is poiēma which simply means a work of God.  It is only used one other time in the Bible and that is in Romans 1:20 when talking about creation.  He saved the best of creation for last.  Now don't let it go to your head, but don't forget that God knows what He is doing either. 

Self-deprecation is full of "I" statements, very self-focused.  "I am not good enough", "I am to fat", "I don't speak well enough" etc.  Unlike humility, self-deprecation is often used to avoid responsibility, and therein lies the problem!  When we begin to use our weaknesses to avoid doing the work of the Lord we have wandered over that line between self-deprecation and humility.  Look at how God responded to Moses talk:

"Who gave man his mouth?  Who makes him deaf or mute?  Who gives him sight or makes him blind?  Is it not I, the Lord?  Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say" (Exodus 4:11-12).

God knows us intimately (Psalm 139:1-5), we do not need to tell him of where we fall short.  But remember what we said yesterday, He delights in using the weak so that He can receive the glory that is rightfully His.  Do not allow your thoughts to prevent you from stepping up when He calls you to His side. 

Lord, help us to recognize our weaknesses and keep us from pride, but also help us not to swing the pedulum to far the other way towards self-deprecation.  Help us to see ourselves as You do and to recognize that we truly can do all things through You.  In Jesus name, amen.

Day 7- Taming the Boasting Tongue

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.

~Proverbs 27:2

At some point you have done it.  You may even feel justified in it, after all, if you don't point out what you have done (and done so well we might add) who is going to notice and give you credit?  Or even worse *gasp* someone else might take credit for your work!  And yet we are told to keep quiet about it.  Why?

Let us first look at 1 Corinthians 4:7, "What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it? "  We have nothing except what God has given us, not our house, our car, our clothes, our money, even our appearance.  All have been gifts of God.  Even our salvation isn't our own doing, but a gift of God (Ephesians 2:8).  When we make the mistake of thinking that we have somehow earned these things on our own we need to check ourselves.  We are tools of God.  Isaiah 10:15 reminds us of this when it says, "Shall the axe boast over him who hews with it, or the saw magnify itself against him who wields it? As if a rod should wield him who lifts it, or as if a staff should lift him who is not wood!"  Without Him we could not accomplish our works.  He gives us our possessions as well at the ability to do the works that we do to "earn" them here.  Given that this is true, what do we have to boast about ourselves in?

2 Corinthians 11:30 tells us to boast of things that show our weaknesses if we must boast.  Why? Because God especially chooses to work through the weak so that He rightfully gets the glory.  1 Corinthians 1:27,29 tells us, "God purposely chose ... what the world considers weak in order to put powerful men to shame.  As a result, no one can brag in God’s presence." (God's Word Translation)  When we accept that everything we have comes from God that only leaves us one thing to boast about...God.  To boast of our own works is like telling those around us that we painted a great work of art because we had the priviledge of owning it for a time. 

Matthew 6:1 reminds us, "When you do good deeds, don’t try to show off. If you do, you won’t get a reward from your Father in heaven" (CEV).  You see, it isn't about us.  Our actions and deeds here shouldn't be drawing attention to what we do or have, but about pointing the way to the one who blesses us with these things.  Even if no one on this Earth ever notices what we have done with our lives, in our weaknesses, you can be assured that our Father in heaven does, and he is pleased when we do them out of love to serve Him.  So don't try to draw the attention to yourself, it credit must be assigned, let others assign it to you, and you can give the glory to God.  After all, that is where it rightfully belongs!

Father, help us today to overcome our pride by remembering that EVERYTHING we have, everything we do, everything we are is only because of You.  Help us to close our mouths when we attempt to claim the glory for the things that You have done through us.  I want to point the way to You.  I thank you for all that you have given to me, and pray that in some way I can use it to bring glory and honor to You.  In your Son's precious name I pray.

Day 6-Taming the Argumentative Tongue

Avoiding a fight is a mark of honor; only fools insist on quarreling

~Proverbs 20:3 NLT

I have to admit that for many years of my life I had an argumentative tongue.  I enjoyed what I considered debating.  You think one way so I automatically think the opposite so that we can have a discussion.  Problem is that most of those discussions ended with hurt feelings and discord.  Some destroyed friendships and others may have prevented friendships from kindling.  I came by it honest, and a lot of us do.

We grow up in homes where arguing is the norm.  Our parents don't model how to effectively handle a disagreement because they don't know how to handle it.  A few generations back children were taught that they were the center of the world. It is hard to be the center when someone else's world is clashing with yours!  Pridefully we fight to convince them that ours is better or at least more right.  The art of compromise has been lost.

Deborah Pegues says, "being argumentative is a futile use of the tongue," and I would have to agree.  Rarely do we ever successfully convert another to our side through argument.  We more often convince others of the value of our argument by demonstration of our belief rather than argument.  We are a prideful people.  We don't like to be wrong.  When you give others the opportunity to gracefully change their thoughts or opinions they are more likely to do so.  However, you need to also be open to the concept that you may be incorrect as well! 

Sometimes, "the quarreler's goal is not to add value to someone's life by showing him the error of his way".  Sometimes the goal is simply to be right, even if we are not.  This often stems from a desire to feel better or superior to the other person.  Remember that we follow one who considered himself to be a slave to all. (Mark 10:42-45)  If we are to be like him, then we are not superior to anyone.  We should be seeking only to share truth, through our actions and deeds, rather than destruction. 

Proverbs 17:14 tells us that arguing is like opening a floodgate.  Once begun it is very difficult to stop and your can't really control what comes through.  Instead we are told to drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.  Does this mean we can't disagree?  No!  But we must look at how we disagree with each other.  Lysa Terkeurst, in her book Unglued, gives us something to consider when we feel the need to argue with another:

"People  don't stand on opposing sides of the conflict scale.  People stand on one side and Satan stands on the other.  When we dump hurt [through arguing] into one another's lives, we aren't leveling the conflict scale.  We are just weighing down the people side of the scale and elevating the Satan side of the scale.  Satan loves it when we do his work for him by dumping on each other."

Have you noticed a trend yet?  Remember Satan comes to steal, kill and destroy.  Jesus came to give life.  (John 10:10).  Life and death are in the power of the tongue.  (Proverbs 18:21)  Every time we open our mouth, the words we speak either give life or give death.  We need to guard our words (Proverbs 21:23), respond softly (Proverbs 15:1), to avoid quarreling and to show courtesy to others (Titus 3:2).  We have a BIG task before us.  But with God on our sides, all things are possible (Philippians 4:13)!!

Thank you for your blessings Lord, and for this study.  Help me to be more humble and be less argumentative.  I need you to help me to guard my words and to help me speak life rather than death.  Help me to be more concerned about relationship rather than being right.  Most of all help me to conquer pride so that the need to be right is no longer important.  I thank you for all that you do and for not giving up on me when I fail.  Thank you for helping me to stand up and try again.  In Jesus name I pray.

Day 5 - Taming the Divisive tongue

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

~Matthew 5:9 KJV

"Divide and conquer is one of Satan's most effective strategies for hindering the effectiveness of any effort undertaken by two or more people." (Deborah Pegues)  Just about any time you get a group of people together, and I hate to admit this but women especially, you can pretty much bet that at some point there is going to be some division.  God made each of us different and unique.  We aren't going to view everything the same way.  Our personalities, our gifts, our backgrounds can cause us to look at the exact same set of circumstances and see entirely different things....and that is okay.

The problem comes when either a person says something with the wrong motives and/or the receiver hears something and reads more in to it than was intended and division occurs.  When we got bold and attempted to build a tower to reach God, He didn't destroy us, He divided us.  Division hinders a task and can render it unobtainable.  Granted, some tasks should not be undertaken, as in the Tower of Babel, but many of the activities of our families and our churches are ruined due to divisive tongues.

Taming this particular tongue is a two way street.  It takes two to tango, goes the old saying.  First let us look at the speaker.  Pegues tells us that there will be times you need to speak to someone and tell them something negative.  Inevitably that will cause discord.  None of us like to hear something bad, whether it be a friend admonishing us, or finding out that someone else has been saying some hurtful things about us.  As the bearer of bad news, we need to examine our hearts before we open our mouths.  Are we telling someone the negative to help them grow?  To help them learn?  If so, continue on.  Are we giving them this news of betrayal to protect them?  If so, continue on.  Are we trying to gain favor (look at how great I am for telling you this and how awful the other person is for saying this)?  Stop and pray!  Are we trying to elevate ourselves (look at what a better Christian I am for seeing this problem in you)?  Stop and pray!  Are we causing division because we want to be in control?  Stop and pray!  You may have grown up in a home where division was the norm and it has become habit to speak divisive words.  It is time to examine yourself and ask God to help you to correct this.  Proverbs 6:19 lists a man who causes division as one of the things God hates.  He desires us to be united!  (Psalm 133:1, John 17:23, 1 Corinthians 1:10, Ephesians 4:3)

But there are two sides to this tongue, and the other is our minds.  We can be sensitive creatures, can't we.  Something said in total innocence can send us into the "what did they really mean?" tailspin.  Satan knows our weaknesses, and he will use them to his utmost advantage.  He knows how much we need unity to survive this world.  God tells us not to give up gathering together (Hebrews 10:25) because He realizes that we need encouragement to go on, and Satan knows that to divide is to conquer.  Ross Rhode, author of Viral Jesus, puts it this way, "You need each other, if nothing more, for the encouragement. Don’t stop meeting together, it isn’t good for your soul." (Read it here)  While some of the time what you hear truly is divisive and the person may mean what you think it is they mean, give them grace.  Remember we need to take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5).  That means that sometimes we have to let go of our own hurts and insecurities and trust that either God is working on us, or God is working on them but either way it is in His hands.  How we respond to a divisive tongue can greatly influence the outcome, and even the person with the tongue.  Simply saying, "Let me make sure I understand what you are saying..." can clear the air.  If the person's heart was true and their intentions pure you can quickly put aside any dissension that Satan may have been causing.  At the same time, by letting the person know that you have caught them in their attempt to divide you may just be the instrument God is choosing to use to work on their own heart, just be sure your motives are pure as well and you are not acting to cause division.

Let me close with Ecclesiastes 4:9-12:

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

We truly need each other in this world.  Don't become an instrument of Satan's destruction.

Father, help us to stand together, looking out for each other, rather than causing division.  Help us to examine our motives before we speak and help us to set aside our preconceived notions when we hear.  Remind us that we must stand together against the evils of this world with our shields raised and not allow dissension to create gaps that the enemy can pierce.  In the name of your Son, who gave all so that we can stand together before you, I pray.

Day 4 - The Hasty Tongue

Do you see a (wo)man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.
~Proverbs 29:20

Admit it....at at least one point in your life you have done it.   You opened your mouth without thinking and out spewed some not very nice words.  I had just such an incident last night at church and spoke words that I wish I could take back.  They were innocent but the words tapped into a pain that the other person was already feeling and as soon as I said them I could see the hurt that they caused.  Deborah Pegues says, "Because we can never be totally aware of all the sensitivities of others, we must depend upon the Holy Spirit to direct our speech in a way that does not tap into their pain, distress, or other negative experiences".  To do this though, we must allow Him to speak to us, which means we need slow down our tongue!

James says it best, "my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak" (James 1:19).  In a world where everything moves faster than light, this may seem impractical.  Consider this though, once spoken a word can never be erased.

Take a piece of paper and crumple it up, wad it up really well.  Now flatten it out.  See all of the creases?  That is like our words.  The words we speak cause permanent changes, good or bad, in the person we speak them too.  When we say words that are hurtful we can and should apologize and try to restore the relationship.  However, you will never be able to go back to what it was before those words were spoken.  That person will always have the creases that you spoke into their lives. 

I need God to direct my words, to set a gaurd over my lips (Psalm 141:3).  God tells us that even a fool is considered wise as long as he keeps his mouth shut!  (Proverbs 17:28) 

Lord, again I thank you for your patience.  Your word tells us that whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble and that we can not tame our tongue ourselves.  I continue to ask that you assist me and those who, like me, have set out to tame our tongues.  Help us to stop stumbling in what we say so that we may then control our whole bodies, so that we may become more pleasing to You.  In your Son's name I pray.

Taming the Manipulating Tongue

Then Delilah pouted, "How can you say you love me when you don't confide in me?  You've made fun of me three times now, and you still haven't told me what makes you so strong!"

Judges 16:15 NLT

Manipulate v. to control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfailry, or unscrupulously.  to alter (data) or present (statistics) so as to mislead.

That manipulating tongue has been getting us in trouble since the garden!  First that wiley serpent introdueces us to it and we decide to run with it.  Eve influenced Adam to eat the forbidden fruit also.  Sarah convinced Abraham to take Hagar and produce an heir (and boy did that backfire-but that's another topic!).  Jacob manipulated Esau (with some definate help from mommy, dearest!).  Laban manipulated Jacob for many years. And those are just examples from Genesis! 

Manipulation, like most sin, boils down to a simple thing, selfishness.  We want what we want no matter what.  Sarah wanted a baby so bad that rather than wait for God's timing she tried to force the issue.  Jacob wanted to be daddy's favorite and inherit everything so much that he robbed his brother.  In the long run he ended up sacrificing years of his life in servitude because of his choices.  When we only think of self in never works out well in the long run and we inevitably end up hurting someone close to us.

After all, we tend to manipulate only those who are close to us.  A stranger isn't going to trust that our deception is true.  We first have to have an emotional connection to a person in order to manipulate them, which makes this such a heinous sin.  I say this not with a finger pointing at you, but pointing at us.  I too have been guilty of manipulation.

So what does manipulation look like?  It can be in the form of a threat - if you don't do what I want you to then I won't give you something you want in return.  Let's be honest here, an area that we tend to really shine (in a not so good way) is the sexual manipulation.  We are warned not to withhold sexual relations with our spouse without mutual consent (1 Corinthians 7:5).  We are also told not to let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26).  God knows we are going to have disagreements, but he also knows the damage that can be caused in a marriage if we withhold ourselves from each other due to anger.  Don't let this form of manipulation destroy what God has joined together!

Another form of manipulation is guilt - if you really loved me you would.  Or even better, I have done so much for you, why can't you do this little thing for me?  You are telling that person that your wants and desires are more important that them.  When we proclaim that we follow Christ, that we chose to be Christ-like, we proclaim that we are no longer first.  Jesus came to serve others, not to be served (Mark 10:44-45).  We are told to be as a slave.  How many slaves do you know that put their own wants and desires above that of their masters?  I couldn't think of even one.

I totally get the desire to manipulate.  It tends to come from a desire to control.  We want to be large and in charge!  But here is what I discovered.....that need to be in control comes from fear and insecurity.  *gasp*  Me?  Afraid?  I didn't think so, but upon closer examination and a real heart check I have to agree.  When I struggle to control it is often because I am not trusting God.  (seems to be a pattern in this tongue thing doesn't it?)  I am not trusting God to handle that particular situation or to handle my relationship with that particular person.  By manipulating I am in effect saying that I am confident that I can handle the person or situation better than God can.  Problem is, I can't see the big picture.  I can not work all things for good as God can. 

Pegues says, "we never read of Jesus manipulating anybody.  He always offered everyone a better way of life but accepted their decision to pursue another option even when it was not in their best interest."  Jesus allows us to make our own choices, even if they break His heart and He knows that it will hurt us.  "Manipulation is deceptive and attempts to take away a person's freewill choice." (Pegues)  If the God of the universe won't attempt to force us to his will, why do we think it is okay for us to do it to others?

Decide today to trust God and to stop trying to rob others of their freewill. 

Father, thank you for again extending grace.  Help us to turn from our ways and to find that narrow path that leads to You.  Strengthen us as we attempt to become more like You and be less worldly.  Open our eyes and our hearts to the damage that our tongue causes us and those around us.  In your precious Son's name I pray.