Taming the Manipulating Tongue

Then Delilah pouted, "How can you say you love me when you don't confide in me?  You've made fun of me three times now, and you still haven't told me what makes you so strong!"

Judges 16:15 NLT

Manipulate v. to control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfailry, or unscrupulously.  to alter (data) or present (statistics) so as to mislead.

That manipulating tongue has been getting us in trouble since the garden!  First that wiley serpent introdueces us to it and we decide to run with it.  Eve influenced Adam to eat the forbidden fruit also.  Sarah convinced Abraham to take Hagar and produce an heir (and boy did that backfire-but that's another topic!).  Jacob manipulated Esau (with some definate help from mommy, dearest!).  Laban manipulated Jacob for many years. And those are just examples from Genesis! 

Manipulation, like most sin, boils down to a simple thing, selfishness.  We want what we want no matter what.  Sarah wanted a baby so bad that rather than wait for God's timing she tried to force the issue.  Jacob wanted to be daddy's favorite and inherit everything so much that he robbed his brother.  In the long run he ended up sacrificing years of his life in servitude because of his choices.  When we only think of self in never works out well in the long run and we inevitably end up hurting someone close to us.

After all, we tend to manipulate only those who are close to us.  A stranger isn't going to trust that our deception is true.  We first have to have an emotional connection to a person in order to manipulate them, which makes this such a heinous sin.  I say this not with a finger pointing at you, but pointing at us.  I too have been guilty of manipulation.

So what does manipulation look like?  It can be in the form of a threat - if you don't do what I want you to then I won't give you something you want in return.  Let's be honest here, an area that we tend to really shine (in a not so good way) is the sexual manipulation.  We are warned not to withhold sexual relations with our spouse without mutual consent (1 Corinthians 7:5).  We are also told not to let the sun go down on our anger (Ephesians 4:26).  God knows we are going to have disagreements, but he also knows the damage that can be caused in a marriage if we withhold ourselves from each other due to anger.  Don't let this form of manipulation destroy what God has joined together!

Another form of manipulation is guilt - if you really loved me you would.  Or even better, I have done so much for you, why can't you do this little thing for me?  You are telling that person that your wants and desires are more important that them.  When we proclaim that we follow Christ, that we chose to be Christ-like, we proclaim that we are no longer first.  Jesus came to serve others, not to be served (Mark 10:44-45).  We are told to be as a slave.  How many slaves do you know that put their own wants and desires above that of their masters?  I couldn't think of even one.

I totally get the desire to manipulate.  It tends to come from a desire to control.  We want to be large and in charge!  But here is what I discovered.....that need to be in control comes from fear and insecurity.  *gasp*  Me?  Afraid?  I didn't think so, but upon closer examination and a real heart check I have to agree.  When I struggle to control it is often because I am not trusting God.  (seems to be a pattern in this tongue thing doesn't it?)  I am not trusting God to handle that particular situation or to handle my relationship with that particular person.  By manipulating I am in effect saying that I am confident that I can handle the person or situation better than God can.  Problem is, I can't see the big picture.  I can not work all things for good as God can. 

Pegues says, "we never read of Jesus manipulating anybody.  He always offered everyone a better way of life but accepted their decision to pursue another option even when it was not in their best interest."  Jesus allows us to make our own choices, even if they break His heart and He knows that it will hurt us.  "Manipulation is deceptive and attempts to take away a person's freewill choice." (Pegues)  If the God of the universe won't attempt to force us to his will, why do we think it is okay for us to do it to others?

Decide today to trust God and to stop trying to rob others of their freewill. 

Father, thank you for again extending grace.  Help us to turn from our ways and to find that narrow path that leads to You.  Strengthen us as we attempt to become more like You and be less worldly.  Open our eyes and our hearts to the damage that our tongue causes us and those around us.  In your precious Son's name I pray.